I made a 4 habits to create in 2020 post and I got a few messages that asked me to do an individual video on each one. And so today I want to talk about how to stop comparing yourself to others.
1. Understanding why.
Understanding why you are comparing yourself to others in the first place will go a long way to you stopping comparing yourself to others.
This is something I am constantly working on. And so I want to share with you what I’ve learned over the last couple of years about this and how I’ve been working on not comparing myself with others.
Typically, one reason why is because you feel less than in some place in your life. You are unhappy with yourself or your performance or both. You’re self-conscious about something.
Another reason why is because you care what other people think. You feel like how this person acts, looks, thinks, is admired by others and you want to also be admired by others. In your mind, whether consciously or unconsciously, you are always in competition with them. You see things as competition over community instead of community over competition.
2. Change Your Habit
Caring about what other people think is a habit.
You can’t change your mindset or habits by just deciding to change.
You have to create an action plan and make small changes.
In the book Atomic Habits, the author James Clear talks about how much of a difference just making a 1% change can bring. A compound effect of changes.
Start by unfollowing people that make you feel that way on social media. A few years ago, I kept comparing myself with this one girl I discovered on social media. Every time I saw her feed or watched her stuff, I was full of jealousy. And it annoyed me that I was. She was a lovely person who did nothing to make me feel this way. I wanted to celebrate her success, not obsess over it and how unsuccessful I was in that aspect of my life.
Finally, I just unfollowed her and anyone else who made me feel that way. I worked on it while I did not have their stuff constantly in my face and felt so much better. Months later, I started to follow her again and everything was fine. I admired her and was inspired by her instead of jealous.
You can do this for people in your life as well, spend less time with them until you get a handle on your habit of comparing yourself to others.
3. Journal Your Why
I mentioned earlier that most of the time you feel the urge to compare yourself to someone else because you feel that who you are, what you do, or what you have in your life is not enough.
Take the time to write down how you are feeling, when you started feeling that way, what is it that’s causing those feelings. And also, how you would feel if someone kept comparing themselves to you. What would you say to them?
Remember that girl I unfollowed then a few months later followed again? I was able to follow her again because of journaling.
What I realized was that I felt that the success she had, I could never have because I did not look like her, speak like her, and have such a beautiful demeaner.
So, then I wrote about those aspects of me. My looks, my drive to succeed, and my demeaner. What could I change? What did I not want to change? Turning my business into a success was totally doable, but was I willing to just take time to enjoy MY JOURNEY to that success without letting other’s journey cast a shadow on it?
I also realized that comparing myself to others was the way I was raised. I often heard the adults around me comparing us kids to each other and to other kids. And comparing themselves to others. It was as if the only way to understand how pretty, good, or successful they were was by measuring themselves and their lives to others.
Take the time to also write down what you think they had to do to get where they’re at. What are the behind the scenes? Trying to understand that not everything the person had to go through was not just a pretty picture, post, or video.
This writing session was so helpful. I actually was able to solve so many problems I had around that time period and not just the one about how I was feeling in regards to this girl on social media.
I feel that I was able to exponentially grow due to those sessions then I would have otherwise.
4. What Can You Learn?
I am highly competitive. I need to be the best at whatever I choose to do.
This is something I’ve been working on for YEARS.
It’s exhausting and unrealistic. There’s always going to be someone who is better than me at something. And that’s good.
And so instead of looking at people succeeding in a way that I want and getting upset, I started to ask myself, “what can I learn from them?”
If this person is living in a way you admire, they are great models, typically, of what you need to do to achieve what they have.
I don’t know about you but I learn so much from the experience of others.
Be careful with this one. We are a unique being and so one size does not fit all. You cannot copycat someone’s whole life and think it will work perfectly for you. Instead learn from what someone if doing and then apply it in a way that works for you.
I love the quote from Albert Einstein that says, “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Celebrate your life. Celebrate where you’re at and the power of what you can learn from whatever spot you are at.
If you can learn from all the good and hard times in your life, that makes your future that much brighter and better, in my opinion.
Then celebrate other’s lives. This is the hardest one sometimes. Look at someone who you’re comparing yourself to and celebrate them. Realize that they have probably worked really hard to have what they have and be where they are.
Looking at things from a more positive place by celebrating your life and the life of others, will help you to stop comparing yourself to others. It changes your mindset and viewpoint so that your immediate react or strongest reaction when you see someone else being, doing, or acting in a way that is admirable, is support, love, and all things positive.