I pulled out my journal and wrote,
“Is this the end or the beginning?”
It’s hard to tell when you are in the deep of things.
Things have changed. You’ve changed, but you don’t know what to do with that change and what it means for your life.
Your thoughts keep going around and around in circles.
Sleep is elusive, appetite is fleeting, and the world far away, or sometimes, too close.
Moments like these have been typical for me since the day I decided that I was not going to hide from what I want and who I wanted to be.
I knew it would take work, honesty, and patience on my part. But I did not realize how hard it would be.
Change is HARD.
The hardest part, at least for me, is not understanding what decisions I need to make to be happier on the other side of that moment.
Because this moment you’re experiencing right here? This moment I AM experiencing right here?
It’s the moment.
The moment where I put my words and desires into action. Or the moment where I get scared, fall into old habits, and fall in line.
Those moments occurred when I decided to go to college contrary to where most people thought I should.
Occurred when I decided to travel to Europe by myself for the first time.
Occurred when I decided to end my successful career to seek out entrepreneurship.
Occurred when I decided to stop listening to people telling me how cute I was when I was skinny and how I should lose the weight I have gained from having two kids.
Occurred when I decided not to take others’ words for where I needed to be and how I should get there. And instead, I decided that for myself, based on what I wanted my life to look like and how I wanted to feel in that life.
Those moments keep happening. They never end.
And although they are hard because they bring tears, heartache, and pain, I want those moments.
Because years ago, I decided I did not want a limit to how far or how much I could grow.
This moment you are in is your moment to see how far you can go and how much you can grow.
Whatever choice you make will bring you somewhere. Make sure it’s somewhere you want to be.
You are capable of making good decisions for your life. You. Are. Capable.
Those moments define you. But they are not the only ones that do. And if it takes you in a direction, you did not want. Guess what? You are not a tree; you have the power to move and change direction.